Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, May 01, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1289)
SURELY THIS AIN'T (ANT) THE TRUTH?
Jagdish Desai was charged in a Singapore court with indecent exposure. But the judge found him
innocent after he explained he had accidentally stepping on an ant hill just before entering the subway station where he was arrested
totally nude. And, he explained, that's where he was forced to strip naked to get rid of the ravenous black ants, which had immediately
attacked his private parts; adding, when the female witness against him screamed "Pervert", he tried to explain his predicament by
pointing to the red whelps on his groin, which seemed to only upset her more.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS?
Arkansas State Health Director for the U.S. Senate, surgeon Ray Boozeman, campaigned
unsuccessfully after stating in a speech that fear during "real" rape would automatically cause natural hormones to block conception,
making it impossible for an "unwilling" woman to get pregnant. These statements caused the highest per capita turnout of female voters
in Arkansas history.
DUH, WHAT?
Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird reports New York mayoral candidate C. Virginia Fields
apologized for telling a reporter, when she was arrested in the South in 1963, police took her away in a "paddy wagon." She'd feared
that verbal term may have offended some Irish-Americans.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1289)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1290)
KEEP THIS IN MIND NEXT SUNDAY
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), inventor of the first digital calculator.
HOW BEAUTIFULLY HE WROTE
Rupert Brooke (1867-1931) was both a very tender poet and an extremely handsome young man, who
wrote: "If I should die, think this only of me;/That there's some corner of a foreign field/That is forever England." Turns out, he died
from an untreated infected mosquito bite on his way to fight the Dardanelles campaign, and never made it back to the U.K.
A (W)HOLE LOT OF STUPIDITY GOING ON
During an AIDS-awareness Champaign in South Africa, thousands of government-issued safe "sex
packs" were distributed. They included not only health information necessary for the practicing of safe sex, but also included condoms.
And, to keep the literature and condoms from being separated, both were connected with a staple gun, which punctured holes in basically
each and every prophylactic, making them useless.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1290)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1291)
EVENTUALLY, ELVIS REALLY WAS ALL SHOOK UP
Rock legend Elvis Aaron Presley (1935-1977) was prescribed an estimated 20,000 doses of
narcotics, anti-depressants, sedatives, and stimulants during the last two years of his life by Doctor George Nichopoulos. "The King"
also kept a goodly variety of illegal street drugs for convenient consumption. After autopsy, the pathologist reported he had never
examined or heard of another human body with as much and as many drugs as was found in Elvis' corpse.
BUT COULDN'T THEY STILL RIDE A HONDA
Ms. Ausrine Burneikiene, of Lithuania (the capitol is Vilnius), finally had enough in 1998.
Planning a protest rally, she swore never again to be examined by a gynecologist in order to renew her drivers license. Laws there
reflected the past, when women were considered a danger because of their menstrual cycle.
"YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, I GOT SEWAGE IN MY TUMMY"
An elderly couple sleeping in their mobile home were awakened by a strange noise outside.
Afraid to open the door to investigate in darkness, they waited until early the next morning. That's when they found outside their
door an empty gas can and a siphoning hose, its end still dangling from the septic tank storage spout, instead of the gas tank spout
next to it. (They also found a trail of vomit leading from their property.)
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1291)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1292)
HE REALLY BELIEVED "THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS"
Orville Stamm was a very sturdy entertainer. While a piano rested on his chest, he would sing
"Ireland Must be Heaven because Mother Comes From There", while the piano player jumped up and down on his thighs.
SHORT AND SWEET
After a book was published about the life of basketball great Charles Barkley of the Phoenix
Suns, he claimed he had been misquoted, even though the book about him was his autobiography.
MOST ALL HANDICAPS CAN OFFER POSITIVE REWARDS
A lesbian deaf couple in Bethesda, Maryland, decided to not only have a child through
artificial insemination, but to also use the sperm from a male with a long family history of deafness. That way the newborn child would
fit right into their family, where a daughter of one partner is also unable to hear.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1292)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, May 05, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1294)
A SIGN IS A SIGN, IS A SIGN, IS A SIGN.........
Officials in Des Moines, Iowa, were tired of seeing signs on city utility poles offering
everything from garage sales to repair services. So, not only did they pass a law forbidding the public display of signs, they had
thousands of signs printed to that effect, then hired enough people to tack them on all power poles displaying illegal signs.
A COFFEE SHOP WHICH ALSO SERVES BEEF
Ethem Sahim was laughing and having a great time playing dominos in his local coffee shop,
when a cow fell through the roof and knocked him cold. It had happened because that coffee shop sat snug against a mountain, with its
flat roof at the exact level of a grass covered plateau behind. This had allowed the cow to wander onto the roof, where it collapsed
through the ceiling onto Mr. Sahim's head.
PERHAPS THIS DOCTOR SHOULD CHANGE HIS NAME TO "MR. NEEDY"
The National Institute of Mental Health funded a $97,000 ethnicity study in the highlands of
Peru, where anthropologists observed relationships between Indians and Mestizos in the Peruvian Andes. One scientist, Dr. George Primov,
used some of the money (about $50 a night) to study their brothels, using himself as a guinea pig.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1294)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1297)
ANOTHER FOR THE "REALLY STUPID FILE"
A twenty-three-year-old man called the police in Chandler, Arizona, after "accidentally"
handcuffing himself, then losing the key. When police arrived at his home, instead of releasing the man, they used his own handcuffs
for a trip to jail, where he was kept on an outstanding warrant.
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BOSS WAS AN OLD MEANIE
A descendant of Genghis Khan, named Tamburlaine, was the most heartless of all the Mongol
leaders. In 1383, he celebrated capturing Sabzawar by having 2,000 prisoners buried alive, then had 5,000 beheaded at Zirth to make a
pyramid of human skulls. Tamburlaine had absolutely no sense of humor. Any of his men caught smiling or saying something nice, were
immediately put to death.
HEY, GUYS, SURE BEATS YOUR OLD EXERCISE BIKE
Clement VI (1291-1352) enjoyed using his position while holding the post of Pope (1342-52).
When his confessor warned him he must give up his prostitutes, he explained he had developed the habit of mating young maidens at a
very young age, and his doctor had advised him to continue in order to extend his youth and health.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1297)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1298)
A SAD AND LONELY EXISTENCE
At least ten Chinese men lost their life savings to a matrimonial agency which provided them
with new brides. All of which ran away a few days after their weddings, leaving the poor lonely men to spend the rest of their lives
alone in their small mud huts in the remote Changsha region of Southern China.
TOO BAD HIS CHICKENS COULDN'T SING DON'T BE CRUEL
The man who discovered Elvis Presley, Colonel Tom Parker, was already a successful showman with
his "Colonel Parker's Dancing Chickens". To make his chickens dance, the Colonel simply turned up the heat on the "stage", which was
nothing more than an electric hot plate with its sides covered.
A BRIEF NOTE IN THE NEWS
A federal trademark infringement suit against the Chosen Sons of God Motorcycle Club Ministries
was won by the Sons of God Motorcycle Club Ministry.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1298)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, May 08, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1299)
WONDER WHAT THAT JUDGE WAS SMOKING?
Two Keene State (New Hampshire) College students gave police permission to search their dorm
room, where six ounces of marijuana were uncovered. Judge Philip Mangones later ruled the students were too "stoned" to understand the
ramifications of their decision, therefore, the search was unconstitutional, so they were released.
PERHAPS IF HE'D BOUGHT A NEW ROPE?
Hangman John C. Woods, of San Antonio, Texas, was so well known (he'd hanged 347 men, and one
woman) that he was selected to perform the executions of 10 men in the Nuremburg trials (1945-48). His job performance rating suffered
greatly, though, when complaints alleged he had not broken some of the necks properly.
"I'D LIKE AN EXTRA DRY MOUTHWASH (er) MARTINI, PLEASE"
A 13-year-old Portland, Oregon, student was "busted" for violating his school's zero-tolerance
policy on drinking alcohol. His mistake was rinsing his mouth after lunch with Scope mouthwash, with no place to spit.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1299)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1300)
WELL, THAT CERTAINLY SOLVED HIS WEIGHT PROBLEM
Reinaldo de Carvalho (1961-95), known as the "Fat King" of Rio de Janeiro's Carnival, checked
into a weight-loss clinic and, after losing 66 pounds in 30 days, dropped dead.
THE OLD ADAGE: IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE
The New York Times reported a professor at Boston University was caught plagiarizing a
speech based on an article which itself had been taken in part from a story printed in the Boston Globe. Theme of his speech?
Incompetent journalism.
APPARENTLY, THEY WERE OVERLY ENJOYING THEIR OWN CARGO
The Dallas Morning News reported in September of 2005 a federal magistrate had ordered
two suspected drug peddlers, Nicolas Gonzalez Jr. and Domingo Rios Garcia, remain in custody after 50 pounds of powdered cocaine spilled
from their trailer onto a Hunt County highway; causing another 270 pounds to be found inside that trailer, on its way to Chicago.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1300)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1301)
CRANBERRY SAUCE AND HOT ROLLS WOULD'VE MADE HIM EVEN BETTER
Katherine Knight, 44, of Sydney, Australia, was a slaughterhouse butcher who put her skills to
work after murdering her boyfriend, John Price. Bludgeoning him to death, she then carved the body up and made stew with the head, some
body parts and fresh vegetables. While he cooked, she hung his skin in the hall, and placed three plates on the table, each labeled with
one of his children's names, for them to enjoy their home cooked dad.
BUT DID HE GET TO BE BURIED WITH HIS NEW TOOTHBRUSH?
In 1995, after a patient died in Stephen Cobble's dental chair, the Tennessee doctor was
charged with incompetence. Other patients said he had sedated them by administering injections to their groins, while one female
claimed the doctor had transferred C-section scar tissue from her tummy to treat a jaw disorder.
WONDER WHAT THEIR MANAGER SAID LATER IN THE LOCKER-ROOM?
The Baltimore Orioles were playing the California Angels on April 17, 1993 when, with bases
loaded, batter Mike Devereaux hit a ball which looked destined to make a grand slam, four-run hit for the Orioles. But as Jeff Tackett,
on 3rd, ran towards home, he was forced back when the ball fell short of the wall and was caught. First thing Tackett noticed back on
3rd was his teammate, Brady Anderson, who had been on 2nd. By then, the runner on 1st, Chito Martinez, had made it to 3rd. Angels
catcher John Orton tagged all three out.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1301)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1302)
SOME CONSERVATIONISTS SHOULD CONSERVE THEIR CONCERNS
Montana rancher John Schuler was
awakened in the middle of the night by three black bears killing his sheep.
When Mr. Schuler took his gun outside to scare away the bears, another large
black came up to attack him from behind, making it necessary to kill it. He
told this to the Interior Department, which still sued him using the
Endangered Species Act. He lost $4,000 when the agency's administrative law
judges ruled he had chosen to place himself in danger.
BET IT'S HARD TO HIRE HOOKERS FOR THE BROTHELS THERE?
The Ibo tribe of Nigeria punishes
adulterous couples severely. If caught, the errant lovers are tied together
so a long pole can be slipped between them. Next they are carried, then
dumped into a pool of crocodiles.
HE GOT STUCK IN THE CUP
A Barcelona soccer fan brought his
11-month-old son along when he visited the teams museum. Hoping to capture a
photo they could share years later, the enthusiastic fan sat his child down
inside a replica of the European Cup, only to realize a few seconds later
the kid was stuck. Police and firemen took over twenty minutes freeing the
child.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1302)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, May 12, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1303)
A GOVERNMENT GROWS UNTIL IT
OUTGROWS ITS ABILITY TO FUNCTION
The Dallas Morning News
reported in late September 2005, Dallas County probation officials
had suspended a program which allowed some offenders to report to a
machine, instead of a human probation officer; yet tax dollars would
continue to pay, contractually, $2,500 a month rental for each of
these ATM-like machines, while offenders go back to being supervised
by human officers, which were themselves already monitoring 140
offenders each, on average.
CAN YOU BLAME THIS POOR GUY
TRYING TO SAVE HIS REPUTATION?
From a New Jersey prison, a
convicted bank robber sued the bank teller who testified against him
for $1.2 million, because she testified he threatened to shoot her.
The defendant turned accuser said he was deeply hurt by her
slanderous words, and demanded compensation for the indignity.
WHAT ABOUT PROPER TABLE NAPKINS?
Normally Fijian cannibals ate
only with their fingers and hands, unless human flesh was served.
Out of respect for the dead, during those meals, they would use
ritual wooden forks.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1303)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1304)
PERHAPS HE SHOULD "CONCENTRATE"
ON ANOTHER SPORT?
Tennis was once considered a
civilized sport, played by ladies and gentlemen. But that's not
always true in modern times. A few years back, after fellow Zambian
tennis player Musumba Bwayla beat Lighton Ndefwayl, Ndefwayl had
this to say, "Musumba Bwayla is a stupid, hopeless player. He is
cross-eyed, with a huge nose. Women hate him. He only beat me
because my jockstrap was too tight, and he serves with farts, which
ruins my concentration, for which I am famous in Zambia."
SHE SHOULD PUT HERSELF ON
DISPLAY: AS INSANE
Claiming she only wished to
raise awareness of animal cruelty, Catherine Gregory exhibited in
Scarborough, England, a dismembered dog cut in nine pieces and
suspended from the ceiling; also, sixty crushed mice mounted in
plastic, as well as the chopped up remains of three rabbits.
WONDER WHO INSPECTED THE
ANCHOVIES AND MUSHROOMS?
The U.S. General Accounting
Office found nothing wrong with the Food and Drug Administration
inspecting only frozen cheese pizzas, while the Department of
Agriculture inspected pizzas with meat toppings. (But would Canadian
bacon need a passport?)
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1304)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1305)
A MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS FOR A MOTHER DUCK
Police officer Ray Peterson was
standing on a Vancouver, Canada, street when he was surprised to
look down and see a duck pulling on his pant's cuff. That duck was a
mother insisting he follow her a few feet to a sewer grating, where
her young ducklings had fallen through. She needed help, and
apparently knew where to get it. Officer Peterson immediately
requested a tow truck to raise the heavy grate, and eight small
ducklings were scooped to safety.
YET, HOW CAN WE BLAME THEM?
Twelve-million-dollars was
provided by the Agency for International Development to educate
students from Tunisia in the United States so they could return home
and improve conditions in their country. But at least 70% who earned
doctorate degrees remained in the U.S., where the money was.
TOO BAD IT WASN'T A CAR AD
A Scranton, Pennsylvania,
roadside billboard bragged, "Bring in this ad and you'll get a free
pair of shoes." This caused three men to tear down the
fourteen-by-forty-eight foot sign and take it to the Shoestrings
boutique, where the owner did accept the huge coupon in exchange
for, not one, but three pairs of new shoes.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1305)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, May 15, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1306)
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY NEEDED COACHING IN LOVEMAKING
The morning after their wedding
night in 1903, George Albert Crossman and his new bride, Ellen
Sampson, had an argument, causing George to bash-in Ellen's skull.
He then hid her body in a metal box inside their upstairs home in
Kensal Rise, London. Afterwards, he spent most of his time with
another woman, Edith Thompson. That is, until his neighbor William
Dell called authorities to investigate the smell of rotting flesh.
But Crossman was ready. When police went to arrest him, he slit his
own throat.
THIS PRESIDENT WOULD MAKE A
GREAT VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY
"We talk now to Joan Hanover.
She and her husband, George, were visitors with us. They are near
retirement....retiring.....in the process of retiring, meaning they
are very smart, active, capable people who are retirement age and
are retiring." Quote of George W. Bush, Alexandria, Virginia,
February 12, 2003.
BUT WHAT IF THEY WENT OUT FOR
CHINESE OCCASIONALLY?
Geologist John Shroder, an
expert on Afghanistan, says the Pentagon has developed a
Remote-Sensing Gas-Detection Device which is so sensitive, it can
detect different ethnic groups by faint aromas released when they
breathe, perspire or flatulate.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1306)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1307)
BUT IF HE BROKE THE LAW LATER,
HE COULD ARREST HIMSELF
In September of 2005 the
Dominion Post of Wellington, New Zealand, reported an arrest at the
Porirua Royal New Zealand Police College. One young recruit ran his
own fingerprints and was arrested when the results turned up an
outstanding warrant for assault.
OH! YUMMY!
The Star, a Johannesburg,
South Africa, newspaper, reported a social group called Die
Afrikaner Klub was having a braais (i.e.
barbecue)...................using a 2,800-pound giraffe, brought to
juicy tenderness over a pit 18-feet long.
YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS!
Arkansas Secretary of State Bill
McCuen challenged election results, after losing his bid for
re-election, by filing a lawsuit claiming voting irregularities. But
since vote administration in Arkansas is under the control of the
secretary of state's office, Mr. McCuen ended up suing himself.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1307)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL(#1308)
THEY'LL DO ANYTHING TO SELL A
PRODUCT
According to Reuters, Triumph
International, a Japanese lingerie firm, is celebrating Wolfgang
Amadeus Mozart's bicentenary year by offering musical bras and
panties studded with small flashing lights. A computer chip
completes the ensemble with music from his master works.
SOHNI COULDN'T
PULL-THE-WOOL-OVER-THEIR-EYES ANOTHER YEAR
In Pakistan a "most beautiful"
sheep contest is held yearly. Jetti, a ewe from Dhakoo village in
Chakwal district, celebrated her victory by dancing to traditional
Pakistani music, according to the PPI news agency. She also greeted
and pleased admirers by putting her front leg to her forehead as a
gesture of Salaam (greeting), said the source. The winner the year
before, Sohni, was not even in the running. "After giving birth to
several offspring, she had lost her beauty and charm," they added.
IF THEY MADE UNDERWEAR IT MIGHT
BE PAINFUL
Corpo Nova, a fashion house in
Florence, Italy, says they've developed a shirt which rolls up its
own sleeves. It's made with a mix of fibers including titanium and
other metals. According to the maker, the shirts will shrink from
wrist to elbow when the comfort index (i.e. temperature and moisture
level/ratio) is higher, then return to their original shape and
length when those numbers reverse.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1308)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1309)
FINGER LICKING GOOD,... NOT!
Benito Amilcare Andrea Mussolini
(1883-1945), fascist leader of Italy (1922-1943), often invited
guests for lavish dinners. As host of these meals, he would
ceremoniously break bread with his bare hands for everyone at the
table. He was also infested with giant roundworms in his gut.
(Roundworms begin life in defecation exposed to open air. After the
eggs are hatched in the soil, they move into warm bodies that don't
wash their hands before touching food.)
IS THIS YOUR POST OFFICE'S
ATTITUDE?
Radio personality John Lander of
station WEGX-FM in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, offered $1,000 to the
first listener who mailed him an egg in an envelope which arrived
unbroken. One listener's egg finally did arrive whole, but Bala
Cynwyd Postmaster Mark Glenn said, "We had a lot of messy mail. But
it is our job to deliver it."
AND HOW DO YOU SPELL
W-O-R-K-M-A-N-'S C-O-M-P?
Hoping to build a stronger team
spirit, Burger King management sent more than one-hundred employees
to an exercise, walking over a bed of hot coals bare footed. This
caused twelve participants to be taken to hospital, where they were
treated for first and second-degree burns to the soles of their
feet. Some required wheelchairs until they were able to walk again.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1309)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, May 19, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1310)
A CASE WHERE THE INCUMBENT WON
FROM THE GRAVE
Long time Oklahoma office holder
Judge Frank M. Ogden III won 91 percent of the vote even though he
died just a few days before the election. His only opponent, Josh L.
Evans, then filed suit claiming it was impossible to elect a dead
man. But the Supreme Court later ruled, "It is beyond doubt that the
will of the electorate was to cast votes for Judge Ogden and against
candidate Evans." (The governor then appointed a replacement.)
THREE QUICK HISTORY ODDITIES
(1) In 1909 Prince George of
Serbia, oldest son of King Peter I, was removed from the line of
succession to the throne after stomping his valet to death. (2) When
Lord Byron was 25-years-old he got Augusta, his half-sister,
pregnant. (3) In 211 AD Roman emperor Heliogabalus enjoyed two of
his dinner guests company so much he had them suffocated in rose
petals just for laughs.
AN ANIMAL THAT ACCIDENTALLY GOT
REVENGE
Two hunters outside
Milledgeville, Georgia, chased a raccoon up a tree, but neither
could see it, so one climbed up and shot it dead. Then, while the
men were still giving each other thumbs up, the animal released its
death-grip on the limb and fell sixty feet, landing on the hunter
below. This knocked him unconscious, breaking three vertebrae.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1310)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1311)
KEPT BOTH HER UNDIES AND HIS
INCOME TAX LIABILITIES DOWN
In August of 2005, minutes after
attorney Curtis Holmes defended a client against charges of child
abuse in a Pocatello, Idaho, court, that state's bar association
suspended his license for taking nude photos of a previous female
client in exchange for his legal fees.
PERHAPS STUNT DRIVING COULD BE
MORE HER PROCLIVITY?
A woman in Nice, France, was
severely injured driving her car off a thirty-foot cliff. At the
time, she'd been rushing home to give her family the good news of
being hired as a driving instructor.
HE BECAME A BUG ON THE
WINDSHIELD OF HIS OWN CAR
After reporting his car stolen
in Nottingham, England, Mr. Richard Weston, 23, stepped out of the
police station to see his own car stopped at a red light across the
street. Enraged, Weston stormed forward, demanding the thief stop
immediately! That's how Mr. Weston ended up in a hospital, run over
by his own car.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1311)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1312)
BUT DID HE HAVE TIME TO DIGEST
HIS FOOD FIRST?
A 57-year-old man in Temuco,
Chili, ate a large meal and drank a bottle of wine in a local
restaurant before sneaking out without paying his bill........or
leaving a tip. His waiter, enraged at getting shafted, completed his
shift, then tracked down the non-paying patron and stabbed him to
death.
CLAIMING TO BE JESUS CHRIST
WOULD PROBABLY WORK AS WELL
The end of World War II was a
very prosperous time for con artist William Johnson, a semi-literate
miner living in Kentucky. His con was to launch a public appeal for
donations, saying he was Adolph Hitler. He and his Nazi chiefs of
staff had escaped, and now they planned to take over the U.S.
Government. This caused American and German fascist to respond
generously, allowing Mr. Johnson to live very comfortably.
NEVER ASK FOR PICKLES ON YOUR
SANDWICH HERE
Russian czar Peter the Great
(1672-1725) collected unusual "mistakes" of nature by pickling them
in jars of alcohol. In his Museum of Curiosities he displayed such
oddities as: A five-footed sheep, the organs of a hermaphrodite, a
two-headed child and the corpses of Siamese twins. Even the museum's
curator was a badly deformed dwarf. So naturally, after dying, he
was also pickled and put on display.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1312)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, May 22, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1316)
HE DESERVED HEARTBURN IF HE ATE
THAT HEART
English eccentric William
Buckland bragged he had eaten the heart of King Louis XIV of France.
He claimed it was stolen from the corpse's chest in its grave during
the French Revolution, and later he received it from the Archbishop
of York. Then, regardless of its shriveled, rotted state, he ate it
heartily.
HE LOST HIS SHIRT, BUT GOT IT
BACK
During the 2005 Texas State Fair
in Dallas, in the Hall of State building, Bud Glass proudly
displayed a shirt worn in the 1970s by Elvis Presley, given to him
by Elvis' nurse. Unfortunately, while his back was turned, Elvis'
shirt, valued at $10,000, was stolen, along with it the only reason
Mr. Glass rented that booth. But, fortunately, after the media
picked up on his sadness, the thief called to say he was mailing it
back.
TRUTH BE KNOWN, THIS COUPLE
MIGHT BE JEALOUS?
An apartment owner in Cologne,
Germany, sued a couple living in his building for reducing their
rent payment 25%. The couple in turn sued the owner claiming they
could not sleep because of loud moans, groans, squeals and screams
coming from an apartment next door, caused by lovemaking. The judge
withheld his decision until the bailiff could hear, then report back
as to the volume of the supposed erotica.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1316)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1317)
BUT IF HE BROKE THE LAW LATER,
HE COULD ARREST HIMSELF
In September of 2005 the
Dominion Post of Wellington, New Zealand, reported an arrest at the
Porirua Royal New Zealand Police College. One young recruit ran his
own fingerprints and was arrested when the results turned up an
outstanding warrant for assault.
OH! YUMMY!
The Star, a Johannesburg,
South Africa, newspaper, reported a social group called Die
Afrikaner Klub was having a braais (i.e.
barbecue)...................using a 2,800-pound giraffe, brought to
juicy tenderness over a pit 18-feet long.
YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS!
Arkansas Secretary of State Bill
McCuen challenged election results, after losing his bid for
re-election, by filing a lawsuit claiming voting irregularities. But
since vote administration in Arkansas is under the control of the
secretary of state's office, Mr. McCuen ended up suing himself.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1317)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL(#1320)
A REVERSE OF THE USUAL
The Action Mobility store in
Lake Worth, Florida, was sued by a crippled woman because they had
no labeled handicapped parking spaces. The handicapped couple who
owned Action Mobility explained to the judge all their business did
was sell and service wheelchairs, so virtually all their customers
were handicapped. (How about a couple of "non-handicapped parking"
signs?)
HE SHOULD STOP DATING UNTIL HE
SOLVES SOME ANGER ISSUES
In 1990, Cuban born Julio
Gonzalez saw his girlfriend having a hot time with other men at the
Bronx's Happy Land Social Club. This caused him to purchase a can of
gasoline, pour it around the building, then strike a match to burn
87 people to death.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE THOSE
SELF-HELP PROJECTS THAT FAIL?
A seventy-nine year old heart
patient grew tired of being treated at an Amsterdam, Holland,
hospital and jumped from a third floor window.
Fortunately/unfortunately he crashed through a tile roof, breaking
his fall, leaving him virtually unharmed. (He was then returned to
his hospital bed.)
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1320)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1321)
THEM DURNED CITY GALS IS ALL
LIKE THAT
A small New York city newspaper,
the Manhattan Pennysaver, asked readers to send in any comments they
wish they'd said to people who offended them. In other words, they
were letting their readers "get it off their chests." One picked by
the editor as best put-down came from a woman named Janet: "Dear
Jake. Thanks for the wonderful dinner. After eating with your
fingers, belching and passing gas all evening long, I say, 'Find
somebody else to date that's your own species.'"
LET 'EM BE STUPID IN ANY
LANGUAGE
Under pressure from parents, the
New York City school system stopped sending children to
Spanish-language programs automatically if they fell below the
fortieth percentile on a standard English exam, whether they spoke
Spanish not.
CHEWING ON BULLETS COULD CAUSE
MORE THAN LEAD POISONING
A safe container law in
California makes it necessary to put warning labels on all packages
containing lead. That's why boxes of bullets (which contain lead)
carry this warning label: THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS LEAD AND MAY BE
HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1321)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, May 26, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1322)
A PENCIL USED ON THAT SAME PAPER
MIGHT HAVE WORKED, ALSO?
Some years ago a prisoner,
serving forty-five years in a Maryland prison for kidnapping, filed
a lawsuit in the amount of $29,000 against the makers of his
typewriter's ribbon. Had it not broken, he claimed, he would have
completed typing his briefs before facing the parole board the next
morning, and would already be a free man.
DURING SPEECHES HE WAS "WINDY"
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE
Adolph Hitler (1889-1945),
supreme leader of Germany (1933-1945) ordered the deaths of millions
of people, and changed the course of history. One internal problem,
however, Fuhrer Hitler could not control. And this problem was so
far out of control, the most hated man of the twentieth century
drank motor oil. And what was his problem? Flatulence. The man who
had the power to kill millions could not stop his embarrassment of
breaking-wind (i.e. cutting-the-cheese, farting) in public, often
leaving those he met to snicker behind his back.
BUT DIDN'T ALL THOSE WEAPONS
MAKE THEIR UNIFORMS FIT FUNNY?
During a soccer match in the
small mining town of Hartbeesfontein, about a hundred miles outside
Johannesburg, South Africa, referee Petrus Mokgethi was arrested for
shooting to death player Isaac Mkhwetha, while fans looked on. The
official claimed Mkhwetha had pulled a knife on him first. (And you
thought American football was rough.)
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1322)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1323)
"BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED"
ABC's Paul Harvey News reported
in October of 2005 that E-bay had dropped all offerings on its site
from a Chinese supplier because of the sensitivity of its products,
namely human babies under the age of 100 days old. For those wannabe
parents who could afford one, male Chinese infants were available
for only $3,500. And, for the more budget minded, an infant Chinese
girl was obtainable for only $1,800.
WHAT A SHOCKING STORY
Living 60 miles outside Bangkok
in Angthong, Thailand, Yooket Paen, 57, was crossing her cow lot
when she accidentally slipped in muddy dung. This caused her to
reach out and grab a naked electrical wire, which electrocuted her.
The Thai Daily News then reported an even more unusual event. Soon
after Paen's funeral, her sister, Yooket Pan, 52, was showing her
neighbors how her sister had died, when she slipped herself, reached
for the wire, and died instantly also.
HE SHOULD'VE WORN HIS MITTENS
Back in September 1996, Sidney
Ambose of Clacton, England, required medical treatment for both of
his hand's palms after clapping them together too hard for too long
at a Beverly Sisters concert.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1323)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1324)
HOW ABOUT THIS, A QUAD-LINGUAL
POOCH!
Tourists who miss their dogs
back home, who happen to be vacationing in Wengen, Switzerland, may
rent General Sam Houston, Jr., a shaggy two-year-old mix-breed
pooch, that just seems to naturally like any, all and everybody.
Christian Straessle, manager of his family's four-star hotel in
Wengen, offers "Housty", as the dog is known, claiming he will
respond to commands given in German, French, English, and Spanish.
A LIBRARY BUILT FOR TOTAL
ILLITERATES. NO BOOKS.
The South Gloucestershire,
England, city council was ready to announce the grand opening of
their new $2.5 million library, when the building was finished, but
then realized no one remembered to order any books to fill its
shelves. And a good thing, too. Nobody had remembered to order
shelves, either.
PERHAPS THIS ARTIST HAD TOOOO
MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS?
Avant-garde artist Damien Hirst
won the Turner prize in 1994 for his exhibit at the Serpentine
Gallery in London, for what he'd titled Away from the Flock, which
consisted of a lamb embalmed inside a glass case. One of his
previous works, Mother and Child Divided, was a dead cow and her
newly born calf bisected in formaldehyde. Another, untitled work, a
freshly killed cow's head being devoured by maggots, had to be
replaced on average each 36 hours because purification would release
all flesh from the animal's skull by then.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1324)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, May 29, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1326)
BUT IF YOU DRINK THE WATER DO
YOUR TEETH TURN BROWN?
La Paz, Bolivia, the highest
above sea level capital city in the world (11,910 ft.), pumps its
city's water supply through an old abandoned mine which contaminates
each drop with harmful iron and cadmium particles. To correct this
problem, filters made from a local byproduct, llama dung, are used.
Scientists say the droppings are the perfect home for those bacteria
which absorb the metal toxins.
A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY WITH NO
MOVING LIPS
Famous duelist Brian Maguire had
a son named George who died at age 12, five years before his own
death. During those 5 years, Maguire worshipped his dead child by
personally embalming him, placing him in a glass case, then carrying
it each and every place he went until the last minute of his life.
MUST'VE BEEN THE TEQUILA, MAN
At Oakland International Airport
in California, authorities arrested a Mexican National for using a
passport issued originally to another man. Reason he was caught
immediately, the identity he had stolen was from a fugitive wanted
for felony burglary and carrying concealed weapons. (First question
that should've been asked of the Mexican upon arrest, "What were you
thinking?")
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1326)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1327)
WELL, AT LEAST HE KNEW WHAT HE
LIKED
Police setting up a sting
operation in Beckley, West Virginia, used unclaimed property from
earlier crimes. And it worked. In fact, the first man they caught
for breaking into their camera-rigged car was a thief they had
arrested before. Even more strange, when both the suspect and the
items he attempted to steal were taken back to the station, by pure
chance, what he'd stolen was exactly the same pieces of property he
had been arrested for stealing two years earlier.
ALMOST ANYTHING IS NICER WHEN
POLITENESS IS INVOLVED
A well mannered gang of robbers
robbed a supermarket in Bassano del Grappa, Italy. While a few
members of the gang enjoyed coffee and pleasant conversations with
employees, the rest ransacked the entire store, taking goods and
cash worth around $468,000. After about an hour, when the robbery
was completed, the friendly thieves apologized and left behind a
$900 tip for the employees.
TWO ITEMS CONCERNING MALE EGO
AND HAIR LOSS
(1) Henry Ford I, founder of
Ford Motor Company, always washed his hair in water containing rusty
razor blades, apparently hoping the rust would stop hair loss? (2)
In England in the 1600s, before wigs were worn by both sexes, bald
men sewed clumps of phony hair inside the rims of their hats.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1327)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL(#1328)
BUT AFTER SMOKING THEY PROBABLY
CRAVED ICE CREAM
Police in Brooklyn, New York,
became suspicious of two ice cream truck vendors because all they
ever saw around their trucks were adults. And they were right. The
brightly colored trucks playing children's music were only fronts
for marijuana sales.
GOOD THING, TOO. BRASS BUTTONS
COULD DULL THEIR TEETH
When authorities raided a drug
den in 1993 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, they seized and removed two
African lions, which were being trained to eat policeman.
THAT'S A $220 PROFIT
When Roger Morse of Winnipeg,
Canada, was robbed of his wallet containing $20 back in 1993, he
asked the gunman for his wallet back. After the thief complied and
left, Mr. Morse found the crook had mistakenly left his own wallet
instead...... containing $240.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1328)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1329)
HE NEEDED MORE THAN A MANICURE
AFTER THAT
Leon Gunning made a big mistake
when he decided to mug Jonquil Nahir in a park in Oldham, England.
Ms. Nahir may have been a small woman, but her teeth were very
sharp. That's why she was able to bite off her assailant's finger
tip, which she gave police, who soon arrested the man in the ER at a
nearby hospital.
AND IT WORKED BECAUSE HEAVEN IS
A VERY HIGH PLACE
A forty-year-old man in
Muskegon, Michigan, shut himself in his bedroom with a twenty-pound
cylinder of propane gas, to get himself high on the fumes. But to
get even higher at the same time, he made the mistake of lighting a
marijuana cigarette. The resulting explosion destroyed his home and
part of his neighbor's.
PERHAPS SHE SHOULD USE A "RENT
TO BUY" APPROACH?
Hoping to get a husband using
the Internet, Kay Hammond, a twenty-four-year-old living in
Birmingham, England, placed herself on eBay, for a minimum bid of
$395,000, with the stipulation any buyer must be between the ages of
twenty-four and thirty-six. The highest bid offer, $15.8 million,
turned out to be a hoax. (If she found a mate, it was not reported.)
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1329)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, June 2, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1330)
READ THE FOLLOWING WHILE EATING
DINNER....NOT
The Dallas Morning News
reported on November 26, 2005, testimony had begun in the trial of
Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh, a 49-year-old cabdriver, who faced charges
of tampering with consumer products. He was accused, according to
the News, of sprinkling his own dried, ground feces on
pastries at a Fiesta grocery store over an extended period of time.
For months, prosecutor Taly Haffar told jurors, customers had
complained to employees that the store's freshly baked cookies
"smelled and tasted like manure."
A BLACK EYE MIGHT TEACH THIS
OFFICIAL WHAT BLACK IS
By city code, all Taxis in
Newcastle, England, must be totally black. So Khalid Hussain's was
surprised when he applied for a permit, but was rejected because his
black Vauxhall Vectra was the wrong color. The council official sent
to inspect the vehicle claimed he could see a "hint" of gray in the
car's finish, so it was denied.
THEY COULD'VE STAYED HOME AND
BOUGHT FLORIDA SWAMP LAND
Before he was caught in October
1995, Norwegian con artist Arne Aavold had survived by selling
splinters from wooden garden fences to U.S. tourists, guaranteeing
each piece came from a Viking ship that sailed to America long
before Columbus.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1330)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, June 3, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1331)
THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS COULD USE
HIS BATTING SKILLS
Jason Laberge was on the
antidepressant drug Prozac when he opened a cage at a Toronto zoo to
set six pink flamingos free. When they refused to leave, Mr. Laberge
crawled inside their enclosure and beat all six to death with a
broom handle.
THESE BURGLARS WANTED TO PROTECT
THEIR OWN BOOTY
Back in 1982 police,
investigating a burglary at an attorney's office in Southampton,
England, were surprised to find almost nothing missing. Typewriters,
tape recorders, even the petty cash drawer was untouched. What the
thieves did take was an expensive burglar alarm system, which was
scheduled for installation the next morning.
COCA-COLA MISSED A GREAT CHANCE
FOR AN ENDORSEMENT HERE
Margaret Velma Barfield, a
52-year-old grandmother, convicted of mass-murder with poison, was
put to death by lethal injection, at Central Prison, North Carolina
in 1962. For her last meal she consumed Cheez Doodles and Coca-Cola.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1331)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, June 4, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1332)
WONDER HOW A USER WOULD LOOK
WEARING TIGHT JEANS?
Jim Huza and his wife Sharon say
they've developed a cushion which muffles flatulence and absorbs the
smell. From their home in Greenville, North Carolina, they offer on
the Internet GasBGon fart cushions, guaranteed to absorb all foul
odor and sound, or your money back.
A PHOENIX RISING FROM THESE
ASHES WOULD BE A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE
In case of disaster, the state
of Oregon paid $124,700 to a Virginia computer company to make sure
that state's lotto system would continue to spit-out tickets, no
matter the magnitude of an earthquake.
DEJA VU, DEJA VU, ALL OVER AGAIN
Diego de Carli, a motorist in
Trento, Italy, went to his town's traffic warden's office and paid a
parking ticket. Returning to his car, he found another parking
ticket waiting. After going inside to pay it, he returned to his car
to find another....
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1332)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, June 5, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1333)
THIS DEVIL HAD A HELL-OF-A-TIME
In February of 1987 two men on
their way to a debate were practicing loudly while walking along a
street in Bergen, Norway, one dressed as Jesus, the other as the
Devil. Their verbal rehearsal caused a citizen to call police and,
even though the Devil was arrested and fined, Jesus was allowed to
go free. In court the Devil refused to pay on the grounds he was
discriminated against.
WHAT KILLED HIM WAS SEEING HIS
DOCTOR'S BILL
The family of Obaid Mubarak bin
Suwaidan Bal-Jafah of Dubai, United Arab Emirates, will never know
for sure what caused him to die only three days after seeing a
doctor for the first time. Could it have been just a coincidence?
After all, he was over 100 years old.
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
A truck carrying a large tank of
construction glue between the cities of Milan and Pavia, Italy,
struck a tree and its sticky cargo spilled, coating the Bressana
bridge. The first car attempting to cross became stuck almost
immediately. The driver exited his vehicle, only to become stuck
himself, in his shoes. Standing helpless, he used his cell phone to
call for help. Rescue workers dissolved the glue, and eventually
everything and everyone became unstuck.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1333)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1334)
HE SHOULD'VE PULLED HIMSELF OVER
FOR EXCEEDING STUPIDITY
In Foggia, Italy, in 1972,
policeman Antonio Demma was so determined to impress his superiors
he wrote bogus traffic tickets and paid them himself. That caused
him to receive a six-month suspended sentence.
'CAUSE BULLWINKLE AIN'T AS CUTE
AS A BABY SEAL, THAT'S WHY
Svein Ludvigen, Norway's
Fisheries minister, argued for a proposal that tourists be issued
licenses to club baby seals to death along the coastline to control
over population, adding the wildlife department issues licenses to
kill moose, so why not baby seals?
IF YOU ENJOY SPEAKING
'POLITICALLY CORRECT'....ENJOY THIS
Actual final notation on the
chart of a man who died: "Patient failed to fulfill his wellness
potential".
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1334)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, June 7, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL(#1335)
THREE QUICK QUOTES
(1) Broadcast commentator during
golf tournament: "Arnie Palmer, usually a great putter, seems to be
having trouble with his long putts. However, he has no trouble
dropping his shorts". (2) Torrin Polk, University of Houston
receiver concerning his coach John Jenkins: "He treats us like men.
He lets us wear earrings". (3) Metro Radio sports commentary:
"Julian Dicks is everywhere! It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
the field".
YOU KNOW, HE JUST MIGHT HAVE A
POINT THERE?
When convicted murderer Allen
Kinsella appeared in court charged with escaping from a Canadian
prison in October 1994, he filed a countersuit against the prison
for aiding and abetting his escape by allowing a ladder to remain in
the yard, which he used to scale the wall.
A MAN OF THE CLOTH?
Pope Anacletus (1130-8) had a
really big problem with moral limitations. Other than having a
prostitute for a mistress, his "all in the family" attitude allowed
incest with his sister and several other family members to be great
fun. Of course, he also considered raping nuns a fair sport.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1335)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, June 8, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1336)
THIS GUY BOUGHT HIMSELF
FIVE-TO-TEN IN THE STATE PEN
In July of 1994 jewelry store
owner David Shidler of Des Moines, Iowa, had his identification
taken without knowing because his birth certificate and social
security number were stolen from a storage shed he had rented.
Shidler found out when a customer, later identified as David Cox,
picked out $3,000 worth of jewelry, then handed over a credit card
with Dave Shidler's own name on it.
MAYBE THIS BABY GOT WEANED TOO
EARLY?
In 1994 California artist Ronnie
Nicolino created a two-mile long sand sculpture of 21,000 size 34c
breasts. The artist said he was planning a new and much larger
display, of enough bras tied together to reach across the Grand
Canyon. He also claimed not to be obsessed with female breasts.
YOUNG SHARKS LEARNING TO EAT
OLDER SHARKS
To demonstrate how easily a
person can be accused of "assault", then sued, University of
Virginia law professor Kenneth Abraham slightly tapped the shoulder
of student Marta Sanchez. Unknown to the professor, Ms. Sanchez had
recently been raped. In court she claimed Abraham's tap on her
shoulder triggered fear and vulnerability. She was awarded $35,000.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1336)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, June 9, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1337)
NEVER QUESTION THE LORD THY
GOD..................BUT???
On the last day of October 2005,
The Dallas Morning News reported Reverend Kyle Lake, 33, of
University Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, had been electrocuted
while performing a Baptism. Wishing to share the moment with his
audience of over eight-hundred, Reverend Lake had taken the
microphone shoulder-deep into the Baptismal. He leaves behind a wife
and three children under age six.
OTHER THAN THAT, WONDER HOW
THEIR WEEK WENT?
Back in January of 1991 in
Hartford, Connecticut, a couple of would-be burglars were very
surprised when they kicked in the door of an apartment to find the
police already there, who immediately arrested them both. By
coincidence, these soon to be jailbirds had kicked in the door to an
apartment rented by two Hartford police officers.
TWO CLASSIC ANSWERS TO HIGH
SCHOOL QUIZZES
(1) "One of the causes of the
Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea." (2)
"Gravity was invented by Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in
the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees."
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1337)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1338)
NOT IF THE MOTHER-TO-BE HAD
LOOKED UP BIRTHCONTROL.COM
Sequoia Hospital in Silicon
Valley, California, announced a new service in technology. Each baby
born in that hospital will have an e-mail address in place the
instant it clears its mother's birth canal. (Possible addresses:
bloodyawfultrip.com, alldownhillfromhere.com, killthatbigsnake.com)
THOSE FOURS-BY-FIVES GOT THEM
EIGHT-TO-TEN
In May of 1995 a security van in
Arlington, Texas, was robbed of $16,000. At the same time, in the
same parking lot, 23 non-English speaking Japanese tourists were
snapping photos of the whole event, including 39 photos of the
getaway car's license plates. Police soon made arrests.
YUMMY AND CLASSY
During the cultural revolution
of the 1960s-70s in China, under rule of Mao Tse-Tung, his Red Guard
troops ate the flesh of their enemies to prove they were fully
class-conscious.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1338)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1339)
FROM THE WHAT WAS SHE THINKING
DEPARTMENT?
On November 2, 2005, The Dallas Morning News reported 41-year-old Evangeline Gonzalez had
failed 2,953 times to pay fees to enter or leave DFW toll roads over
a 20-month period. Had she paid the 40-to-75-cents each time she
entered or exited at a toll booth, it would have cost her less than
$1,900. But, with added fees, she owed the North Texas Turnpike
Authority a whopping $76,039.
A ROUNDABOUT RESCUE
Stuck between floors on an
elevator in a New Plymouth tax office on New Zealand's North Island,
Bonnie Johnson used the emergency phone to call for help. But
because of a thunderstorm, instead of her call going directly to the
building's management or the local fire department, it was routed
500 miles to the South Island, where Joan Prankhurst, manager of the
Southland Times, called authorities back on North Island to
help the stranded woman.
THESE GUYS ENDED UP "PLUCKING"
THEMSELVES
Peruvian police arrested a gang
of "poultry suppliers" attempting to smuggle ten kilos (22 pounds)
of cocaine into prison inside 200 plucked chickens.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1339)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, June 12, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1340)
HIS BRAIN COOKED UP A NICE
PROFIT ON THAT OLD COOK STOVE
A farmer in India told his
neighbor how he was almost killed when debris from Skylab fell near
him in his field in 1979. To prove his point, he produced a chunk of
charred metal. His neighbor, envisioning an obvious profit, paid the
farmer the equivalent of about $100 US for the "evidence". Before
long, others visited and paid the farmer for burned chunks of
metal,......until one finally figured out he'd bought a piece of an
old iron cook stove.
HIS FORM OF GALLOWS LAUGHTER
"Warden, I'd like a little
bicarb because I'm afraid I'm going to get gas on my stomach right
now." These were the last words of murderer Charles de la Roi
strapped inside a California gas chamber in 1946.
HE'D BEEN ROCKING RIGHT ALONG
UNTIL THE ATTACK
A 33-year-old man, walking along
a canal in Solihull, England, in February of 1995, was assaulted and
thrown into the drink by three men who stole his back pack. To their
surprise, when they later opened the pack it was full of rocks. The
victim of their crime had been using them as training weights.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1340)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1341)
WHAT A BOOT
Y-STRETCH
THIS WOULD TAKE
Les Price, 350 pounds, flew from
Wales to Ireland to support his rugby team, but got squashed so
badly trying to occupy one airline seat flying over, for his return
trip he paid double fare to get two seats. After boarding his plane,
however, he discovered his two consecutive numbers were on separate
sides of the isle.
A FLASHLIGHT COULD'VE SAVED A
LIFE
On a dark night in October 1978,
burglars broke into a warehouse in Durban, South Africa. Apparently
not knowing what the building contained, one of the two men struck a
match. Soon following was a fireworks explosion which burned to
death one of the intruders, badly burning the other.
IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN A BEARD AND
SIDEBURNS TO HIDE THAT
The Raja of Akalkot (1896-1923)
was able to hide his insanity until the British Council learned he
had taken a sword during a whim and lopped off both ears and nose of
a courtier.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1341)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL(#1342)
THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF TAKING A
BITE OUT OF CRIME
In February 1996, 55-year-old
laborer Maphupu Molatudi was sleeping in a hostel north of
Johannesburg, South Africa, when he was awakened by a thief
attempting to pry open his mouth to steal his false teeth. When Mr.
Molatudi protested, the thief beat his face, jerked open his mouth,
removed his teeth, then disappeared.
WITH NO WINDSHIELD, WHERE'D HE
PUT THE TICKET?
Robert McFarland and his horse,
Charley Boy, were offering buggy rides to tourists in Skipton, a
market town in England, when the 4-legged half of the partnership
received a parking ticket. Under "description of vehicle", the
policeman had written "brown horse."
FACT? FICTION? RUMORS? WITH
TIME, DOES IT REALLY MATTER?
Rock guitarist Jimmy Hendrix
choked to death on his own vomit. Rock singer Janis Joplin choked to
death on her own vomit. Lead singer of The Doors Jim Morrison choked
to death on his own vomit. Obese lead singer for The Mamas and The
Papas - Mama Cass Elliot - choked to death on a chicken sandwich.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1342)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1343)
HIS FOIBLE WAS FOILED BY FOIL
On Christmas Eve 1993, inside a
7-Eleven in Denver, Colorado, a young man tried drying his small
stash of marijuana in the store's microwave oven. Problem was, he
placed his "pot" on a foil-covered lottery ticket to heat it, which
caused the oven to short out, starting a small fire. He got away,
but the store's security camera got his photo, and the store manager
had to get a new microwave.
JUST FOR THE MYTH OF IT
St. Nicholas is the patron saint
of Russia, pawnbrokers, unmarried girls, children and sailors. In
the 4th century he was bishop in southwestern Turkey. And, as a baby
(it was claimed) he always abstained from his mother's breast on
Wednesdays and Fridays.
NO LAWYER, NO HIGH COURT FEES,
AND SWIFT JUSTICE TO BOOT
When a shoplifter was caught
stealing a shirt in the city of Szczecin, Poland, a special
enforcement staff was called to punish the lawbreaker. "The staff"
loaded the offender into a car and drove to the center of the city.
There the thief was kicked from the vehicle, totally naked, with the
words "I am a thief" painted on both his chest and back.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1343)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Friday, June 16, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1344)
HE FIGURED (LIKE THAT OLD SONG)
'YOU GOTTA HAVE HEART'
At his trial in February 1992
the Milwaukee cannibal, Jeffrey Dahmer, confessed to killing and
eating 17 people. Evidence found in his apartment included several
heads found in his refrigerator, skulls stored in a filing cabinet
and body parts in a cooking pot. When a human heart was found frozen
in the deep freeze, Dahmer explained, "I was saving it for later."
A CAMEL? THEY SHOULD'VE BEEN
LAUGHING TOO HARD TO FIGHT
Near the Somali border in
northern Kenya, a public brawl occurred in March 1996 when a
twenty-year-old man was accused of raping a camel. Seems the man's
relatives, and friends of the camel's owner, took up opposite sides.
HE SHOULD BE HAPPY IF HIS DOG IS
HALF AS STUPID AS HE
A Louisiana dog owner, Chaddrick
Dickson, decided to make his animal meaner by adding gun powder to
his dog food. But while trying to pound the powder out of a
.22-caliber bullet, Mr. Dickson caused the shell to explode,
injuring himself.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1344)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1345)
A ROBBER WITH ENOUGH HEART TO
START ANOTHER'S WORKING
Thieves confronted Giuseppe
Tomasello and a fellow worker leaving an office building in Milan,
Italy, with their company's bank deposit. When told to surrender the
money at gunpoint, Mr. Tomasello immediately collapsed to the ground
with a heart attack. That's when one of the robbers fell to his
knees and instantly began giving CPR. And would not stop, or leave
the ill man, until sure he could breathe unaided. Then, and only
then, they took the 40 million lira (about $20,000) and ran.
POLICE ACCIDENTALLY TAUGHT THESE
STUDENTS A REAL LESSON
For an anti-drugs talk at
Ilfracombe Community College in Devon, England, a drug sniffing dog
was brought along to demonstrate its ability to sniff-out evidence.
A sample brought along by police for the dog to "find" was not
necessary, however. Not long after entering the building, the well
trained dog sniffed out a large stash of marijuana, and four
students were arrested.
IF KITTIWAKES TASTE ANYTHING
LIKE CHICKEN, HAVE A BAR-B-Q
More than a decade ago, for
absolutely no reason yet discovered, someone shot and killed
seventy-three protected Kittiwakes nesting in cliffs in Marsden Bay,
Tyneside, England. Even more strange, all seventy-three dead birds
were gathered and used to spell out the word "DEATH" on a pub
parking lot at the bottom of the cliffs.
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1345)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1347)
THEIR "HEADSTART PROGRAM" WOULD
MEAN APPLY AT BIRTH
In 1968 a young man applied for
a government job in West Bengal, but received no
reply................for thirty-four years, until 2002, when he was
fifty-two, and too old for the job he had applied for. Labor
Minister Mohammed Anum, denying any problem with communications,
stated it often "takes a long time for a person to be called for
scarce government jobs ".
PROBABLY TAUGHT HIM MORE THAN A
SHORT PRISON SENTENCE
Daniel Pouchin, a purse
snatcher, ended up in a hospital with broken ribs in Nice, France,
in August of 1993, after he made the mistake of trying to rob two
women who turned out to be very tough transvestites. (Ouch!)
RELIGION: MANKIND'S FAILED
ATTEMPT TO UNDERSTAND ITSELF
The Dallas Morning News
reported in November of 2005 that religious broadcaster Pat
Robertson had warned residents of a rural Pennsylvania community
that disaster might strike their little town because they had voted
out eight school board members who voted not to teach students
"intelligent design," which favors an orderly god over the random
selection of the Darwin Theory. He had also stated feminism
encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft,
destroy capitalism and become lesbians." ( Become lesbians?
Question: Did Pat Robinson choose before birth to be heterosexual?)
Andrew J. Hewett
(#1347)
Copyright ©2006-2008 Andrew J.
Hewett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or
redistributed without the consent of the author.
Monday, June 19, 2006
WEIRD, BIZARRE and UNUSUAL (#1348)
SHE WANTED TO WORK ON BOTH SI